Coronavarius has certainly changed the way we live. It’s also altered the way we work. For some, it’s business as usual. Working from home is their everyday normal. But there are also those whose offices have shut down during the pandemic and they’ve been told by their bosses to skedaddle home and make the most of it. Many people, including midlife women, have taken heed of the shelter-in-place orders and are now working from home. I’m one such woman.

Working From Home

Working from home . . . yayyyy, right? Well, maybe not so much. Some people are doing this whole work from home thing all wrong. Come on ladies, let’s get it right, shall we? I have a few tips to help you nail it like a boss.

1. Excuses, Excuses

If you’re working from home, don’t use the excuse, “I got stuck in traffic,” when your boss asks you why you’re late to a meeting. He’s onto you and that nonsense.

2. Routine

Stick to a routine. This waking up at 10:32 a.m. on Monday and working until 3:18 p.m., waking up at 6:02 a.m. on Tuesday and working until 10:44 p.m., etc. is nuts. Set a regular schedule and stick to it . . . unless you have a boss that doesn’t give a crap about your life and expects you to work 21.5 hours a day. In that case, I can’t help you.

3. It’s YOUR Space

Create a dedicated space to work. If possible, make it a place away from your normal indoor haunts. Don’t set up shop on your living room sofa. That’s too damn comfortable and may entice you to take a 3-hour nap.

4. Don’t Be Like a Bag Lady

Ditch the homeless lady act. When you’re working from home, you can still make yourself presentable. That doesn’t mean you can’t schlep around in ratty yoga pants and an off-the-shoulder Flashdance top, but girl, wash your crusty face and take a shower! You may not be able to smell yourself, but everyone else in the house can. Remember yesterday when Fido refused to come to you no matter how much you said, “Who’s a good boy? Come to mama…come to mama.” Nope, he didn’t wanna get within sniffing distance.

5. AA

That Irish cream, shot of vodka or wine that you think nobody knows you’re sipping on in that coffee cup? Girl, please. Stop that. If it’s 9-to-5 and you’re supposed to be working, just stop it. Do you know how embarrassing it’ll be when you drunk dial your supervisor? Save the cocktails for your virtual happy hour.

6. ZZZZ

Get some sleep. Don’t be one of those annoying, “I can get by on only 4 hours of sleep,” people. Look, you’re not 21 anymore. You know damn well you can’t stay up until 4:30 a.m. binge-watching Grace and Frankie and expect to be fully conscious, alert and coherent when it comes time to work 5 hours later.

7. Fix That ‘Do

Don’t get on Zoom, Google Hangouts, Microsoft Teams or any other video conference looking a hot ass mess. Comb your hair, pull it back in a ponytail . . . do something with it.

8. The Nose Doesn’t Know

While we’re on the subject of your video conference, no one wants to see up your nostrils. Not. A. Single. Soul. Raise your laptop up, raise the web cam, do whatever you have to do to prevent your coworkers from being able to count your individual nose hairs.

9. Social Media

Stay the hell off Facebook. You can’t multitask like that. And while you’re at it, stay off YouTube, too. You know you’ll just fall down that rabbit hole on any number of videos featuring: a) crazy cats, b) adorable babies trying to bake, c) screaming goats, d) puppies being puppies, e) People of Walmart shaming, f) coronavirus gifs, g) hunky guys fixing shit that ain’t really broken, or h) recipes that you’ll save but you know good and doggone well you’ll never make.

10. A Moment’s Peace

Don’t be needy. Leave your pets [including your dog, cat, goldfish, parrot, iguana, snake, turtle, rabbit, ferret, gerbil, hamster, hermit crab, rock, etc.] the hell alone. They don’t need you hugging, stroking, kissing, spooning, staring at, or talking to them all the livelong day. They’re not exactly thrilled that you’re working from home. They want you gone. Give them their space.

11. Housework

Stop coming up with lame excuses to stop working. That pile of laundry? It can wait until the weekend. It’s full of yoga pants and old sweatshirts, anyway. Whatever germs are there will wait patiently for you to take care of them on Saturday. And no girl, no; the dog doesn’t need emergency grooming with your dull clippers.

12. Sexy Lady?

If you’re greeting the Amazon delivery guy at the door holding a full martini glass, wearing a see-through nightgown and have Beyonce’s Naughty Girl blaring in the background, stop it.

13. Child’s Play

If your child comes to you, tugs on your sweatshirt, looks at you with those big soulful eyes and says, “Mommy, I want to play a game of hide-and-seek,” do not, I repeat do not, tell the kid, “Go hide, sweetie, and Mommy will come find you,” and then you don’t look for her for three hours. This is called abandonment and can scar the kid for life. Instead, take a 10-minute break and play with your offspring. You spent 16 hours in labor, 3 hours pushing until your eyes nearly popped out of your head and now you’ve got a mini-you to show for all your effort. Don’t let that kid down.

14. Communicate

Most important of all, connect and communicate. Don’t be a hermit. You can still socialize with friends and family outside of your home. Skype, Facetime, Google Hangouts . . . those are just a few ways you can see and be seen. Social distancing doesn’t necessarily mean forever isolation.

In all seriousness though, take care of yourselves during this pandemic. As of today (5/8/20), unemployment is at an all-time high of 14.7% – the highest since the Great Depression. These numbers are heartbreaking. Eventually, it will turn around. For now, for those of you who’ve been furloughed or laid off, continue to look for resources that can help you get back on your feet. Here are a few that I found:

• The Restaurant Opportunities Center United has a list of national resources available to restaurant workers.
• 2-1-1 is a nationwide nonprofit that provides financial assistance based on your needs.
• The Freelancers Union’s Freelancers Relief Fund may offer assistance up to $1,000 for freelance workers.
• Hairdressers at Heart has a relief fund for hairstylists, manicurists, salon owners and educators and will be giving away $1,000 to 200 professionals.
• Moonlighting.com is offering free job searching and access to its business tools.
• For workers in the hospitality industry (workers in the hospitality industry (bartenders, servers, hosts, chefs/cooks, dishwashers, etc.), Another Round, Another Rally offers emergency assistance of $500 relief grants.
• First Responders Children’s Foundation offers grants for first responders and their families.

Of course, there are many more resources out there to help those affected by Covid-19 and the pandemic. Keep your head high, stay safe and blessings to you all.