“Golly gee willakers, I’m glad I have MS,” said no one ever, as they went merrily skipping and zip-a-dee-damn-doo-daaing down the street.
MS isn’t one of those things you long to have. It isn’t sexy. There’s nothing cute or fetching about it. It’s indiscriminate, devoid of feeling and strikes at will. And it leaves those whose lives it touches asking the same question: “Why me?”
It’s a question I’ve asked myself at least half a dozen times already in the early stage since my diagnosis. I wondered if something in my past was the reason that I was plucked from obscurity and placed in the nasty bucket of diseases with no known cure. Was I being punished for transgressions of my youth?
Could it have been that time that I turned my back on a homeless person with his hand out asking for spare change? Perhaps it was that day in elementary when I started a fight with a smaller kid after school that sealed my fate? Or maybe it was a last year ago when I cursed a driver who cut me off in traffic?
We question ourselves, don’t we? We begin to think of life not being fair. We talk of being singled out and picked on for reasons known to everyone but us. We bemoan our existence as we see everyone else around us living happy, full, disease-free lives. We think to ourselves, “I used to be like that once…”. We’re so wrapped up in our sorrow that we often forget to take that step. That one step. Forward. And really, all it takes is that one step. And from there, we continue. One step at a time.
Momentum is a beautiful thing.
When we wipe away our tears, we can move forward. When we tell ourselves, “I didn’t do anything to deserve this,” we can move forward.” When we vow to fight and not give in, we can move forward. When we accept that not every day is going to be a good day, we can move forward. When we acknowledge that it’s okay to cry / shout / scream / hurt / be angry / exhale, we can move forward. When we realize that tomorrow is a new day, we can move forward. When we realize that we are not alone in this, we can move forward.
MS makes life hard. But MS doesn’t make life impossible. Be possible. As a midlife women’s advocate, I’ve always said I’m determined to not just survive but to thrive. I can apply that same mantra to being a midlife woman living with MS as well.
I have MS. So what?!? I have spirit, nerve, tenacity, and audacity, too. That for me, in and of itself, is an art form: the art of moving forward.
