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Midlife and the Hairy Woman

This morning, I plucked a disturbingly long hair from my chin. A blonde hair. A blonde hair on the chin of a black woman. Because of its length and elaborate curlicue pattern, I have my suspicions that the dastardly single strand didn’t grow in overnight. A more likely scenario is that it’s been there for a while and I just never noticed it. hairy woman

hairy womanWhile that one lone hair doesn’t rise to the level of hirsutism, it was nonetheless an unwanted intrusion. One hair dangling from the chin is not a travesty; it’s merely a blip on the radar. However, I can’t help but wonder whether there are more thin hairs waiting to burst through the follicle and sprout on my chin like a spotted apatelodes caterpillar.

I’m not gonna lie: for a brief moment, I felt like The Wicked Witch of the South, so much so that I was dangerously close to wringing my hands and cackling maniacally—thank goodness my dog came into the bathroom and startled me out of my state of stupidity. But that one lone hair got me thinking: hairy woman

  1. Am I destined to sport a beard in midlife and beyond?
  2. If there’s hair on my chin, where else is there hair that doesn’t belong?
  3. Should I check my nostrils and ears, too?

As I stood barefoot on the cool tile in the bathroom, the sun shone through the skylight and a sliver of brightness fell across my face. I leaned in and peered closely at my reflection in the mirror and gasped. My face was covered in a fine layer of peach fuzz. I was turning into Chewbacca.

Ladies, the horrific realization is this: hormonal shifts are the culprit of hairs gone wild. Once we hit menopause, our estrogen levels drop and testosterone (yikes!) can flow unfettered. No, we’re not turning into men, but that hair? Well, it might think it’s growing on a man’s face.

Those fine hairs on my face—they’re actually called ‘vellus hairs’—aren’t really noticeable (unless, of course, I stand in direct sunlight, you’re two inches from my face and you squint and tilt your head to the side when you look at me). They can become darker and thicker in midlife. Boo hiss. So it would appear that the long, snake-like offender that assaulted my chin was the leader of the pack.

So What Can be Done About Unruly Facial Hair?

There are a number of options for dealing with wayward facial hair. hairy woman

Tweeze ‘em. With tweezers, you don’t have to worry about those soft, supple hairs growing in coarser. However, using tweezers can take a while if you have vast amounts of hair on your facial landscape. hairy woman

Wax ‘em. You’ll definitely want to avoid getting folliculitis—an inflammation of the hair follicles—when you’re waxing at home. Before waxing your face, be sure to do a patch test to see if your skin has a reaction to the wax. Also, make sure the wax isn’t too hot. Room temperature is preferable since using really hot wax can actually darken your skin over time.

Shave ’em. This suggestion came from a Midlife-A-Go-Go reader. I’m deathly afraid of shaving my face for fear of nicking myself so I doubt I’ll ever adopt the practice. However, the practice of women shaving their faces, known as kao sori in Japan, is a popular one. Here in the States, dermaplaning (as it’s known) has the benefits of smooth, exfoliated skin and the removal of vellus hairs. Still, it is shaving your delicate face.

Epilate ’em. If you’re feeling gutsy, an epilator can be purchased for use at home. These electrical devices snatch out a lot of hairs at one time and is less messy than waxing. However, be warned: many women say the epilator process can be a bit painful.

Depilate ‘em. Unlike waxing and tweezing, using a depilatory cream doesn’t snatch the hair out from the root, so you’ll likely have to do it more often as hair grows in. The cream works by actually dissolving the hair on the skin’s surface. If you go the depilatory route, don’t use a cream on your face that’s designed for the body! The chemicals in them are harsher than creams formulated for the face. And for better results, use it at the tail end of your shower; your hair will be softer and easier to dissolve. But beware: the facial hair removal creams contain harsh chemicals which can irritate the skin. Do a test patch first.

Laser ’em. For a long-term hair reduction solution, you might want to try laser, which uses pulses of laser light to attack the follicles. Laser treatments can be done on large areas at a time, but it can cause discomfort.

hairy womanElectrocute ‘em. If the Lon Chaney, Jr. ‘Wolfman’ look isn’t your style, you might opt for a more permanent form of hair removal. Yup, that’s where electrolysis comes in. With electrolysis, a needle is inserted into the hair follicle and an electrical current is used to zap the follicle. While there are some home electrolysis kits on the market, you might want to rethink going that route at home. Electrolysis is an invasive procedure and is best left to the pros. Having said that, you’ll likely need multiple treatments, which can be costly.

In the end, I plucked the hell outta that hair (it was a stubborn little bastard), checked my chin for any other renegade hairs and smeared a dollop of moisturizer on my face. There…all better. hairy midlife

Midlife brings some scary stuff our way—weight gain, mood swings, incontinence, achy joints, thinning hair and yes, rogue hairs popping up where they shouldn’t be. As disruptive as all of this is, there are ways of effectively dealing with them. It’s a matter of finding which solution works best for you.

When it comes to stray hairs, I’ll continue to pluck away until plucking is no longer an option. 

How do you handle unwanted facial hair? Let’s discuss in the comments.

Comments

  1. 1010ParkPlace says

    You forgot shaving! I’ve been doing it for years in the shower, without a mirror, and have never cut myself. The secret is don’t use one of those cute little pink razors for women, but buy a Trac III or one a man uses to shave his face, and NEVER use it on your legs. You’ve got one hair now, but you may soon have a face full of fur, and you can’t pluck all of those.

    • Valerie Albarda says

      Oh goodness…I don’t even want to entertain the thought of a face full of hair that can actually be seen! 😉 You’re right…I totally forgot the shaving option. Thanks for the tip!

  2. Cathy Lawdanski says

    I just had my bathroom remodeled & was so excited to get a lighted, magnifying makeup mirror so that I could see when putting on my makeup. Got more than I bargained for – I could see every stray hair on my face! I feel ya!

    • Valerie Albarda says

      Hahaha…when we ask for clarity, we get clarity! Cathy, those lighted magnifying mirrors are great, but you REALLY see what you’ve got! 😉

    • Valerie Albarda says

      Well Andrea, I guess if you look at it from a different view — We need hair to keep us from freezing… — it takes the sting out of it. 😉

    • Valerie Albarda says

      That darn chin hair of mine was rigid, as well, Linda. It doesn’t matter so much that no one else sees it; when I know it’s there, it bugs the heck out of me! 😉

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