Menopause. Admit it…you loathe this intrusive element in your otherwise sane and calm life.
What is it with menopause? Why women? Why at this time in our lives? I often ponder these questions as I throw the covers off my drenched body in the middle of the night and resist the urge to smother my husband as he lay beside me in a snore-ravaged fret-free sleep. There simply has to be a way to get through this without losing our minds, right?
Right!
To help you cope with the day-to-day ravages of this detestable rite of passage, here are 8 gizmos that have your name written all over them.
Those glasses you were searching high and low for a few minutes ago? They’re perched on top of your head. You ran all the way upstairs to get something, but by the time you got there you couldn’t remember what the hell you went up there for. It’s okay…I understand. Your memory comes and goes in spurts. The phrase “Where the hell did I put those keys? WTF?!?” is all too familiar to you.
Help is here, ladies, in the form of WTR Wireless Key Finder. Attach this gizmo to your keys, remote control, phone and more, and with one press of a button, beeping ensues. Don’t quote me on this, but it might even help you locate your absentee significant other who’s been hiding out in the garage all afternoon.
There are few things worse for a menopausal woman than feeling like she’s about to burst into flames at any given moment. When hot flashes hit, all bets are off. Jackets are unzipped, shirts are unbuttoned, sweaters are coming off—it’s a veritable burlesque routine. Why not stave off the heated attack with a string of pearls? Hot Girl Pearls, that is. Your inner fashionista comes alive with these core temperature cooling gems. From freezer to neck or wrist and—voila!—instant cool.
When you walk out the door, ready to do battle with the world, are you prepared? No, I mean really prepared? Don’t let midlife’s little slip ups catch you off guard. Arm yourself with the Menopause Emergency Kit where you’ll find all manner of accoutrements to assist in any menopausal moment disaster. There’s even a Tootsie Roll to quell your inner chocoholic.
Good Day – Bad Day – Don’t Even Ask Wine Glass
Dealing with the various and sundry issues of midlife and menopause are enough to drive anyone to drink. Some days, wine is the answer. The only answer. On those stressful days, when you feel compelled to snatch someone’s arm from their socket and beat them with it, try to relax and take deep breaths. If that doesn’t work, well, there’s wine. This clever wine glass comes with varying levels that correspond to how your day went. Fill it to the rim if your current mood warrants it.
Big Mouth Toys Ultimate Wine Bottle Glass
…and then there are those days when a glass of wine simply won’t suffice. It’s okay; you don’t have to explain. Go ahead…you so deserve this.
Japanese Design Silk Handheld Folding Fan
Everyone knows menopausal women have a lot to contend with—what with the whole bursting into a fiery ball of flames and all—but show the world just how unflappable you are. Yes, you too can cool down in refined, elegant style with this lovely Japanese fan. Simply swish your dainty hands back and forth to feel the comforting breeze of serenity as you grit your teeth in the midst of your own personal heat wave. Look atcha with your classy self.
The Change of Life Diet and Cookbook
As you elegantly navigate your way through this life altering madness, make sure you eat properly. There’s nothing scarier than a malnourished, overheated, wine-less menopausal woman who can’t find her keys. Don’t let this happen to you. Slow down long enough to read Elaine Magee’s The Change of Life Diet and Cookbook. In it, you’ll find tips and recipes to help manage menopause naturally.
Conair Sleep Therapy Sound Machine
Ahhh, the sounds of nightlife. What’s better than being lulled to sleep by the blaring of police sirens, wolves baying at the moon or the incessant drip drip drip of the leaky faucet in the bathroom sink? I can think of at last ten auditory soothers that won’t send me into a psychotic rage. Ten sounds are what you’ll get with this Sleep Therapy Sound Machine. Delight in the sound of ocean waves, daydream as songbirds regale you with their lovely tunes or cower under the covers to the blast of a thunderstorm. Nightie nite.
And there you have it. Congratulations ladies! You are now fully armed to triumph victoriously over the trecherous enemy: Menopause.
